


The Monty Hall Saga

by masquerace



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Arguing, Brooklyn 99 inspired, Humor, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Nonsense, The Frogs - Freeform, Year 4, i can't even be sorry oh well, this is pure crack fic nonsense bUT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-17 23:09:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14199666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masquerace/pseuds/masquerace
Summary: During year 4, Jack and Bitty struggle to find time for each other. A little argument has them going back and forth for days, and the frogs are concerned.





	The Monty Hall Saga

**Author's Note:**

> The Monty Hall Problem: "Suppose you're on a game show, and you're given the choice of three doors: Behind one door is a car; behind the others, goats. You pick a door, say No. 1, and the host, who knows what's behind the doors, opens another door, say No. 3, which has a goat. He then says to you, "Do you want to pick door No. 2?" Is it to your advantage to switch your choice?"

Senior year was rough on Bitty. There was too much going on and too much left to do and not nearly enough time to do everything he wanted to. And that included seeing Jack. Their schedules had failed to align for nearly a month, and they’d only managed brief late-night phone calls that mainly consisted of complaining before one of them passed out for the night. They had a mostly free weekend coming up, though. Bitty had a home game Saturday night, and Jack had an off week, which meant he was driving down to Samwell for two whole days. They wouldn’t be alone by any means, but they could at least see each other. Unfortunately, Bitty wasn’t as excited as he should have been. Jack started an argument—a stupid, stupid argument—with him in the Haus group chat, and his team wasn’t even backing him up. It’d been a long several weeks, and Bitty did not have time to be thinking about statistics.

“I don’t understand what makes this so confusing, Bits.”

He huffed into his phone and set aside his rolling pin. The pie dough did not deserve his frustration with Jack taken out on it.

“There’s no point to changing your answer! Taking one of the doors out of the question, if anything, only turns your choice into a fifty-fifty chance.”

Bitty could hear the irritation in Jack’s voice. “That’s not how statistics works.”

“Statistics is dumb, Jack.”

“It’s literally a key part of any sport, especially hockey. I hope you don’t actually believe that, since you’re captain.”

“I am _not_ having this argument with you right now.” He squeezes his eyes shut. “I’ll talk to you later.”

He didn’t hear what Jack was saying since he cut him off by hanging up. Pressing his face into his floury hands, he let out a muffled yell.

Overhearing the argument, Dex, Nursey, and Chowder hesitated as they stood just outside the kitchen out of Bitty’s sight.

“I...should try and explain it to him again. Maybe if I use some sort of baked good as props, he’ll get it and they’ll stop fighting.” Dex moved to go into the kitchen but Chowder yanked him back.

“You can’t!” He hissed. “Bitty’s upset right now, and trying to do that will only make it worse.”

Nursey blinked slowly and shook his head. “They haven’t seen each other in a month, and they’re both stressed. They just need to bone.”

Chowder squeaked. “What? No! Nursey, those are our _dads_. You can’t tell him that!”

“I’m with Chow. But I still think I should go talk to him.”

Chowder grabbed at Dex’s shirt, but he managed to get inside the kitchen anyway. Bitty glanced up from where he was glaring at his pie dough and let his shoulders sag a bit.

“Hey, Bitty… I, uh, I have something for you.”

He perked up a bit. “What’s the occasion, Dex?”

“Um.”

Nursey and Chowder spilled into the kitchen behind the other frog and grinned nervously. Bitty narrowed his eyes.

Clearing his throat, Dex pressed on. “I have something for you. But, it’s inside one of three pies.”

“No.” Bitty’s expression immediately soured again. “I don’t want to hear it, Poindexter. I’m not wrong about this, and I don’t appreciate you interfering.”

Nursey shook his head. “We tried to tell you, man. Listen, Bitty. You and Jack—“

Chowder slammed his hand across Nursey’s mouth. “—are a amazing couple and we love you.”

Raising an eyebrow, Bitty sighed and rolled his eyes before turning back to his dough.

“Chowder—stop.” Nursey batted Chowder’s hand away. “You and Jack just need to bone.”

Bitty shoved his hand directly through the dough and froze. Slowly, he turned to make eye contact with the three frogs. Dex stared in disbelief at Nursey while Chowder visibly winced.

“How… _dare_ you Derek Malik Nurse. I am your _captain_. What I do in my personal relationship is _none_ of your business and I—I… Lord. I need y'all to leave. _Now_.”

The trio fled the kitchen as fast as possible, only pausing for breath when they were safely in Chowder’s room.

He turned to Nursey and threw up his hands. “What did I tell you? Now he’s really upset!”

Biting his lip, Dex glanced towards the door. “This whole weekend is going to be awful now.”

“Well, now he knows. Everything will be fine again once Jack gets here.” Nursey shrugged, much to the exasperation of Chowder.

The sound of someone stomping up the steps made the three frogs jerk their heads up before Bitty appeared in the doorway.

“Never!—never have I been so… _ugh_ . Bone? _Bone_!” He stormed off to his room.

Dex narrowed his eyes at Nursey. “This is your fault.”

He shrugged again.

Bitty’s voice sounded from down the hall. “ **Bone!!** ”

Chowder threw himself on his bed and sighed loudly.

_/.\\_

The next morning, the frogs stumbled into the kitchen in search of coffee but paused on seeing who was there. Jack sat at the island sipping from a mug and talking softly while Bitty chuckled next to him with a cup of his own. Chowder blinked before busting out a huge grin.

“You guys aren’t arguing! Does that mean you’re getting along again?”

Jack nodded. “We figured out.”

“When did you get in? I thought you weren’t supposed to be here until later.” Dex frowned as he moved to go investigate the near-empty coffee pot.

“Last night.” Bitty took a sip of his coffee. “I called him to see if he could drive up a little sooner, and he managed to make it work.”

Dex hummed. “Does this mean you finally figured out the Monty Hall problem?”

“Nope.” Bitty shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”

Chowder frowned. “But you’re—“

“Yep.”

Nursey grinned in understanding. “Does that mean you—“

“Yep.” Bitty urged Jack up, and they made their way out of the kitchen. "Now if you excuse us, we're heading off to Annie's before practice. I'll see you boys at Faber."

Looking smug, Nursey glanced between Dex and Chowder. Chowder narrowed his eyes and sighed.

“Don’t you dare start gloating about how you were right.” Dex looked at Nursey pointedly.

“But you agree. I _was_ right.”

“Nope, nope. I'm not dealing with this today. If you two start arguing, I’m officially disowning you both.” Chowder grabbed a protein bar from the cabinet and headed back to his room with a roll of his eyes.

Sheepishly, Dex and Nursey watched him leave. The minute he disappeared from view, they glanced back at each other and immediately started jostling into each other as they both tried to make their breakfasts while completely in the others' way.


End file.
